Need advice-fixing my relationship with my 11 year old son?

This morning after a multitude of frustrations that have been building slowly but exponentially the last two months I had the proverbial "straw" and "camel's back" situation and when my son told me for the 3rd time he needed to go to grandma's to get his shoes I snapped and told him I was taking care of it, like I was taking care of making sure 4 kids were fed and clothed and had a house and that I got to work at some point and that I was taking care of it and everything, etc (fill in crazy tirade here). Then, after I dropped the formula back at the daycare for the 3 month old I told him I was sorry and he didn't derserve me yelling all that to him and I didn't know how I could ensure he had a good day, but that is truly what I wanted for him. Then I spent the 15 minute drive to grandma's crying.





I know he felt bad, but this is not his burden and I just feel like such a failure, I don't know what to say to him when I pick him up after work. Any advice?

Need advice-fixing my relationship with my 11 year old son?
I think apologizing is really the best thing. You don't want to over-compensate by buying something - or going over on the other end - it would probably just confuse him or set a standard.





Later just say. . .I am very sorry. Mom is a little stressed out right now and I want you to know that it isn't your fault and I love you very much.
Reply:So glad to hear it! :D Report It

Reply:I would tell him that I was sorry and Adults sometimes do that when they are very busy trying to get things done.
Reply:lmao crying over shouting at your son. my mum beats me and yells at me for no reason sometimes i just move dont make a big deal out of it.
Reply:First, forgive yourself. Then give your son a hug. They're a lot stronger than we often give them credit for.
Reply:He's 11 years old, and you've already blurted out most of your problems. You might as well just be honest with him. Take him out for food he likes somewhere and tell him, talk to him like you would us... Explain that you're overwhelmed sometimes with all you have to do, and that sometimes it feels like you don't have enough time to take care of everyone that depends on you. Tell him that you're sorry and it was wrong of you make it feel like it was his fault or to even bring those things up, but that since you already have you feel the need to explain yourself.


Let him know you want him to enjoy being a kid and maybe you could give him a coupon to blow up at you with his feelings just ONCE with your forgiveness. (Hopefully he'll never use it, but if he does, honor it.)


He knows you're having a hard time, you can't hide it from him any more.
Reply:Actually, I think that it's good for a child of his age to see, once in a great while, that life is frustrating for adults, too. Not to assume, but it sounds like you are completely overwhelmed and could use some help. This could be a good opportunity to explain what happened, and let him know that you are exhausted and need his help. You could "make over" the relationship a little, and let him know that now that he is a little older you could use his help a little more (11 is an age to take on a little responsibility), things like keeping track of his own stuff, or taking out the trash and helping with the dishes could be done in exchange for a small allowance. It isn't your responsibility to "fix" the relationship, or to make sure he has a good day, for the type of day he has is truly up to him, and your relationship will be fine as long as you love each other. Communication and family relationships are two way streets. We women often take on too much responsibility in a relationship, such as making sure that everything is done for everyone else, and there is nothing left for ourselves. This is when we explode! So, learn to delegate a little and then there might be something left for you.


Good luck.
Reply:When your running around doing all that it's tough. Maybe you could take him for ice-cream, just the two of you. Let him know sometimes when your a grown-up things are a little crazy, and you never ment to hurt his feelings. Maybe you could call the school, and talk to him. My son's teacher has a phone in her class. I've had to call, and apologize for things myself. I know it made his day to get a phone call in class.
Reply:Why do you have to say anything? Parents are human. That's the reality. We all have good and bad days. That's another reality. Life sucks...that's a major reality.



Yellow Teeth